How to Start a Relationship

Having trouble finding a boyfriend or girlfriend who is just right for you? Want to get closer to someone? Here are some steps to follow.


  1. Be awesome at anything; if you are smart, show it off, if you are funny, make her laugh, or if you are good at sports, give a demonstration. Let people know how you are different. Look far and wide. If you find yourself without 'any prospects', then you are probably not looking in the right places. Think of what you like to do that defines who you are. Ask yourself, where would someone meet me ? If you're into sports or exercise, then look into places where people do those activities.
  2. Look for someone who you can easily talk to. The most important part of any type of relationship is communication. If you cannot communicate effectively with your partner, your relationship will probably not go far.
  3. Start by first talking and later making friends with the person you think is special. Most people don't like to jump straight into a relationship, especially girls. Find a reason to talk to the person. Make sure that they want to talk to you. Just talk about something that keeps the conversation going.
  4. Be yourself and don't lie just to get to a special person's heart. If they find out later and you're in the middle of a deep relationship or maybe a time when you really need that person, they will leave for good.
  5. Let the person know that you like them. Beyond the cheesy sending a note through a friend, talk to them about something you both have in common. School, parents, teachers, vacations, etc. Anything besides a relationship should be fairly safe territory.
  6. Flirt. Flirting is a fine activity if you are interested in people who like to flirt. The social and playful activity certainly draws attention and can lead to a relationship. If it is not you, then don't bother, it is better to be yourself.
  7. Take things slowly. Don't be too needy. They'll think you're just an annoying friend and you probably don't want them to think that. That special person might actually ask you over or on a date, which doesn't necessarily mean that he or she is into you. Give it time and things could work out. Once you have established 'first contact', remember not to squeeze the person. Try to continue doing your normal routine, with them in mind, rather than changing your whole life around them. Hopefully they will want to have a relationship with YOU, not a clone of themselves or a tag along.


  • Never compromise your morals. If the person you are interested in is not interested in you, then you should move on. Some people are very polite and you may not realize immediately that they aren't interested. But, given time, it should become apparent. In the meantime, take it slow, and even if you are head over heels, don't reveal this right away, at least until you are sure they are genuinely interested in you, too, or they could use your attraction to their benefit. Usually it is best to reveal one's feelings step by step, not much more nor much less than the other has revealed. However, people have very different ways for showing that they are or are not interested, so do not break up, or step it up, without talking things through as to where you're both headed.
  • If you feel like you need time to decide, do not hesitate to take it. Your goal is finding a good mate for a relationship. If something feels wrong, think things through twice before acting.
  • To really get to know a person, try to delay sexual intimacy as long as possible so you'll be able to make the best objective decision on whether or not this will be a good relationship for the both of you. Many people find it difficult to see people for what they really are, once they have started an intimate relationship. Something that starts out hot and heavy usually burns out fast.
  • For those to whom sexual intimacy does not make rationality too difficult, sexual intimacy is an option, because it usually brings psychological intimacy and thus lets you more quickly get to know the other person. By the time you choose a spouse, you will have gotten to know several people well, and have a better idea as to what kind of person suits you. However, many psychologists feel that pre-marital sex releases several hormones, especially in women, which make your brain subconsciously bond to the person, when emotionally you just haven't had time to figure out if this is the best person for you, so this can actually be a disadvantage. Be sure you know about the rules for safe sex.
  • Don't forget that sex with someone you don't know puts you (especially women) in a very compromising position, not to mention the STD's, either of which may very well kill you. Do not take risks. A person who pressures you to have sex early in the game is probably a narcissist or a control freak/abuser, and this sort of pressure is considered an early warning sign, so pay attention. Don't fall for the flattery. Some guys will use words instead of money to get sex. And guys, remember that women know this, and will be on the lookout for these types of men. So if you really care about the person, too much too soon will have the opposite effect of what you wanted--a loving relationship!
  • Don't make out with him/her unless they are single (or in an open relationship). If they say that they are divorcing, wait until after they have told their spouse, are done with the counselors, and have actually filed for divorce. You do not want to get in the middle of someone else's marriage! That would be just about the opposite of what this article is about!