Making a Social Phone Call

Calling someone "just to chat" is much more difficult than it seems if you're shy. Phone calls are important to a healthy social life and a strong relationship. Here are some steps to help you make that phone call to that girl you met in Chem who you'd like to be better friends with or the boy you really like.


  1. Put on some music in the background that will relax you during the call and make it seem as if you're having fun. Don't choose anything too loud, annoying, disturbing; keep it chill. Try to aim for the light pop music and possibly R&B; but not anything that is stressing such as todays Top 40 radio.
  2. Make a list of topics to discuss if the conversation lags. You'll be happy to have them for those awkward silences that typically happen in conversations between new friends. (For example, "Wasn't that Spanish test hard?" or "I saw your performance in the school play. Do you sing a lot?")
  3. If you can, come up with a reason for calling. It can be weird if you actually call with the sole purpose of talking. (For example, "I'm calling to thank you for inviting me to your party," or "Can you tell me what the homework was?" or even "Did you see that episode of Supernatural?")
  4. Take a moment to close your eyes and envision yourself having a successful conversation with the person. Think of all the reasons they will be happy to hear from you.
  5. Take a few deep breaths. Inhale through the nose for seven counts, hold for four counts, and exhale for eight counts. Do this three times.
  6. Dial the number. Make sure you do it slowly and concentrate.
  7. When the person picks up, say something along the lines of, "Hey, it's (your name.) What's up?" This gives them a chance to tell you it's a bad time.
  8. State your reason for calling. It can help spark conversation. (For example, "Thanks for inviting me to your party. What gifts did you get?" or "Can you believe what Summer did on the OC?")
  9. Take any conversation that the person is interested in and run with it. Ask any possible question that pops into your head. (For example, "Thanks for inviting me to your party. What gifts did you get? Who gave that to you? What was your favorite? Were you hoping for anything else? I have one of those...")
  10. Bring up the topics you've written down. A little preparation can go a long way...
  11. If you run out of topics, just give the person a compliment and/or ask the person about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and this is sure to be a big conversation starter. (For example, "You are a great soccer player. Do you play outside school? How long have you played? Do you watch soccer on television? What's your favorite team? What position do you play? Do you play any other sports? Is soccer hard? Do you train a lot?") Or just start telling your life story, but don't make it a five hour long life story.
  12. Try to relax. Enjoy your conversation rather than thinking about what you're going to say next. With enough practice, it will just come to you.
  13. If the person has to leave, you have to leave, or you're simply done talking, say goodbye and remind the person to feel free to call you anytime. Hang up the phone.
  14. Evaluate your conversation for a moment. What topics sparked interest? What did you find out about this person? How long did you talk? How did you feel? Think of any ways you could make it easier to call this person again.
  15. Plan your next call and start thinking of a new list of back up topics.


  • Leaving a message: If a person isn't there, their phone is not on, etc. you might get surprised with an answering machine or voicemail. Don't panic. Plan ahead and write out a little spiel in case you need it. Include a greeting, your name, the date and time you're calling, your reason for calling, and the details of when you can be reached.
  • Asking for your friend: If someone else picks up the phone, simply say state your name and politely ask to speak to the person you're calling. Thank them when they agree to put you through.
  • Being called: Before you hang up or when you see the person throughout the day, remind them to call you sometime. This can take some of the pressure off of you! Make sure to leave your cell phone on or keep the lines clear.
  • List of topics: Although the list of things to talk about can seem a little cheesy, it can really come in handy if you're nervous about calling that person or if you're shy. Eventually you won't need it anymore, but it can definitely help you in a tight spot.
  • Saying goodbye: It's often less awkward and more polite to say goodbye with a phrase like, "I'll let you go," or, "I better go back to studying."
  • Thank them and tell them it has been a pleasure talking to them! They will feel appreciated and wanted.
  • Think about the person you're calling: What are your common interests? Talking about a topic they do not care about will usually make that person lose interest in the conversation.
  • Make sure that you can hear them! Turn your phone loud enough so you can catch everything that's said.
  • Go to the bathroom BEFORE you call!
  • Try not to be eating anything when you are talking.
  • It is a lot easier and more comfortable when you talk to someone on the phone when a good friend is in the room with you; once you do that, you will always feel comfortable talking to that person from now on.


  • Bad time: If the person is busy, talking to someone else, or even if it is just a bad time, they will usually ask to call you back. Don't be offended. Don't take it personally. They probably sincerely mean it and are not just trying to avoid you.
  • Bad call: A "bad call" is one in which there were more than two pauses, the topics of conversation were dull, or either party seemed bored. If the call didn't go well, try to brush it off. Prepare for your next call better, but don't stop talking to or calling this person! It can be hard, but it will probably get easier as you go along.
  • Several Bad Calls: If you have several bad calls with the person, think about them for a second. Why do you want to become closer to them? If you really don't have anything to talk about, they may not be the best friend for you. On the other hand, personal experience has told me that sometimes you just need to work a little harder to make a successful call or try a different tactic. Take this on a case by case basis and be the judge yourself.
  • Length: Watch it! Boys especially don't like to talk for hours and hours (usually.) Try not to keep them too long. (On the other hand, if it's obvious that they have something on their mind or really want to talk, go for it!) Just keep it in mind...
  • Nerves: Take several deep breaths. Sometimes the best thing to calm your nerves is to try to block out your fears and just dial the number!